Ink!

I've had a mixed bag of a week. I feel like I've been up and down and up and down all week, and I'm trying to stay on the positive side of things. I had my first big meltdown over something going on that Alex isn't here to help me through, and that was NOT fun. But I felt like it was a woman's kind of meltdown rather than the overemotional freakouts of adolescence I used to be inclined toward. It was for the most part appropriate for the situation, and what WAS influenced by hormones I recognized and worked through fairly well. Overall it wasn't awful. I've been dreaming of Alex, which makes it hard to wake up in the mornings, but I'm still hanging on.

I wore these in HIGH SCHOOL!

On the flip side, I had a HUGE personal win today. I finally pulled out all the summer shorts that were too tight by the end of last year in the hopes that I wouldn't need to lose TOO much before it gets too hot to wear pants anymore. I've made a rule that I will no longer buy clothes until I am too small to fit in my current clothes, but I've been afraid to see just how long I'd be stuck in pants until I'm back in my size 8 and 10 shorts. As it turns out, I'm already there! I pulled on pair after pair of shorts I haven't worn in almost 2 years to find that one after the other fits perfectly: not one is the least bit snug. In fact, I wore one pair today with a belt so they wouldn't get too lose by the end of the day! I was even proud enough  to take pics. :)


And I figured that while I was having a good day, I'd go ahead and take a good picture of the tattoo that I never made a big reveal of because I felt like I looked too heavy in all the pictures I took of it. Now since I've never posted any pics on FB, I have a feeling that at least half of the people who know me have no idea that I've had a tattoo for 2 years. :P Surprise! Alex has an identical sparrow on his left shoulder facing the opposite way... we're one of those couples. >_< But just because I don't go around plastering it all over the internet (until now) doesn't mean that I'm not in love with my ink. I am. I don't believe you should get a tat unless it's deeply meaningful. And I love everything about my sparrow: the way it happened, what it means, and even the fact that Alex has one too, though it's a little cliche to have matching tattoos.

I always knew I wanted a tattoo, and when I was a teenager I even played around with semi-permanent designs with Bic pen ink and a safety pin *cringe*. Not my best moment. But I've always loved the idea and spent a LONG time trying to figure out what and where. I couldn't decide for the longest time, and told myself that I'd wait until after I was married so that I wouldn't look trashy in a wedding dress. That changed when Alex decided about 4 or 5 months before our wedding that he wanted new ink, and he really wanted to get a sparrow.

Soon that little muffin top will be history!

Now if you know anything about the symbolism in Navy tattoos, or about about birds in general, it makes this particular design (that HE picked out, by the way) especially meaningful. Sparrows are one of natures monogamists. They mate for life, and they represent true love, commitment, and soul mates. In the Navy, sparrows are shared by sailors and their wives as symbols of their relationship. Also in the Navy world, sparrows have become synonymous or interchangeable with swallows, birds known to migrate vast distances only to return to nest in the EXACT same place year after year, generation after generation. Sailors get them as good luck symbols to always return safe home, no matter where in the world they go. Our sparrow has the perfect blend of meaning and of art: the head and body are very sparrow-like, and the tail flows apart in a classic swallow profile. By the time I finished researching the lore and Alex pulled up the concept photo, I was absolutely and 100% sold on the idea to get them together. I added my own personal touch of, "Always come home," mostly because I love script and I didn't want us to be COMPLETELY identical. And that was that. We talked it through and went the next day to do it.

Normally, I'd NOT recommend getting ink less than 24 hours after deciding exactly what and where. I really believe it's the kind of thing you sleep on at least a week. But it felt like I knew all along that it would happen, I was just waiting for the right thing to come along, and I knew it as soon as I saw it and realized where it would go. I've not had one day of regret, and I doubt I will. I'm almost as proud of the placement as I am of the actual design: I managed to find the only good place on my body that was big enough to display it beautifully, won't get awful stretch marks or bloat in awkward ways when I have kids (as long as I don't become obese), won't show in ANY outfit unless it's a 2 piece bathing suit, but isn't anywhere near "trashy" or embarrassing to show off in public if I so choose. I don't think you should get a tattoo if you aren't able to show it or tell people. There's no point altering your body if you're going to be ashamed or embarrassed. But that's different from being wise about your placement. The hard truth is that some people will judge you for having one. And if you are in a professional setting, it can close a lot of doors if you aren't careful. I like being able to control who sees it and when, so that I can avoid the setbacks of narrow-minded or unfair opinions. So I'm very happy with where it is.

Hopefully I'll continue on my way toward my weight loss goals, and I'll be more and more confidant showing it off. But for now, I'm pretty darn pleased at where I am! I just have to keep my chin up and keep moving forward. And maybe it's not a HUGE deal... but I have to say that finally sharing this so publicly is a big step for me. Here's to the little wins! :D