"Lucky I'm in love with my best friend,
Lucky to have been where we have been,
Lucky to be coming home again."
*Warning... This is another one of those obnoxious I-love-my-husband rambles, so if you're not a romantic sap, feel free to ignore this one.*
Today has been an amazing day. I got to spend all afternoon on FaceTime with Alex, and it was EXACTLY what I've needed. I've been getting so worked up about things lately, and I finally got to sit down and really talk about everything on my mind. Normally, I don't get more than 5 or 10 minutes at a time, and never do we have complete privacy, so sometimes the really big important things are hard to discuss. Today, however, he not only talked through the things about our future that were stressing me out, but he surprised me several times and reminded me AGAIN why I love him so much
I've been a little anxious about when to start school, what I want, and how we're going to pay for it. And I've been worried about the timeline of our future. Whether or not he stays in the Navy for his full 20 years makes a huge difference to me about when we start thinking about kids, and I've been stressed that we hadn't really decided. Everything is all interlinked: how long it takes to get a degree, how long Alex will be at a shore command, how long and when Alex might be deployed again if he stays... It's a complicated puzzle to get it all to fall together right, and there are factors that we can't know and can't control that make it scary. But one afternoon was all it took for Alex to remind me that everything is going to be more than ok.
First, while we were talking about his reenlistment, he told me he made that decision so that he'd get to his 10 year mark. I was a little confused, because I had always just assumed it was for the money. We've talked about reenlistment often, and every conversation we've had revolved around the bonus and what it would do for us. What he told me today was that the money is secondary. "I have job offers all over the place, making a lot more than I do now," he told me. "But when I finish this and get my 10 years, I can give you my GI Bill so you can follow your dreams too." I cried. I knew that he made most of his decisions based on what would be best for our family and our future, but he made it clear to me that he has little intentions of making the Navy a career. He just wants to give me the chance to make something of my life too, if I want. He went on to describe his hopes that if we find we can pay my tuition sooner and out of pocket, we can give his GI Bill to one of our children.
If you've known my husband in the past few years, you'd know that while I was babysitting almost every day, he was making it ABUNDANTLY clear that he ranked babies and children up there with root canals and having his toenails removed with pliers on the list of things he didn't want to happen to him. I joked that he was running an anti-baby campaign to try to keep me from getting any ideas. Lately he's softened up a bit and admitted he was sure that one day I'd decide it was time and he just wouldn't have a say in the matter. But today, he went even further. He transitioned smoothly from college plans into family planning, and when I tentatively mentioned that I was feeling a little pull to move up our original timeline (no kids until at least 4-5 years), he shocked me with his response. Not only did he agree, he went on to say that he's been thinking a lot about it and how he wants to be young and be able to keep up with his kids. "I want to really be able to PLAY with my kid... kids... you still haven't sold me on more than one," he teased. "Maybe a year after I get back. Maybe sooner." I didn't cry this time, because I was just too astounded at what was coming out of his mouth. He's NEVER expressed any interest in children in anything more than the abstract, and here he was today telling me he thought maybe we should back up the timeline even more than I was going to suggest. We talked about a whole lot more, but these two things just absolutely made my whole year.
It seems that every time we have one of these talks, I am totally blown away first by how amazing my husband is at being a husband. He was MADE to be a provider, a lover and confidant, a protector and comforter. He is so good to me and for me, and blossoms more and more every day in this role. Second, it's incredible how in synch we are. As our lives progress and develop and change, even while we're apart, we seem to be on the same wavelength. There are a few bumps in the road, but nothing talking doesn't sort out quickly. But like with the idea of kids... I hadn't mentioned it at all, and here we are, agreeing and on the same page with something I NEVER thought we'd feel exactly the same about. I thought I'd be dragging him kicking and screaming into fatherhood. Or at the very least, persuading and reassuring him into it. But time after time since we've been married, I've been so pleasantly surprised that we've growing together effortlessly. Every month that passes finds us a stronger team, and every obstacle life throws our way draws us closer to each other and to a better understanding of each others needs. Our marriage is becoming seamless, and I have to believe that we were truly meant for each other. Made for each other. It's an incredible feeling.
So I felt that I just had to share. My mom even noticed the huge change that an afternoon talking had made for me. "You've been morose for DAYS," she remarked. "Is it so usual for you to be like that?" Maybe... I hope not quite so bad. But my husband truly makes me happy. Not getting to talk to him and dealing with struggles by myself when I'm craving his support and insight is hard, and the affect is noticeable. And getting to talk, having my soul comforted and my heart encouraged, makes me feel instantly brighter. I am madly in love with the man I married, and even from half a world away he makes my heart feel like it's racing and floating and melting all at the same time. Tonight I'll be spending a little extra time thanking God for him, because I can't even put into words how grateful I am to have him. I wouldn't have traded today for anything... it was an almost perfect day. All I need now if for him to make it home. :)